5 Reasons It's Worth Working on It

Maybe you're a Catholic wife with sex struggles in your marriage, but you think, "Oh well, that's just how it is." In this episode, Sarah lays out five reasons why it's worth your bother to figure out how to make things better for you. 

1. You're worth it. 

2. Sex is the body language of the wedding vows, so learning how to communicate the messages of love in those vows well is important.

3. The practice of improving your experience of your love life can strengthen your marriage. 

4. You want to model a healthy, holy, positive view of sex for your kids.

5. It's not going to get better on its own.

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Transcript

0:50

In this episode, I am talking about five reasons why it is important and worth it to work on your love life in your marriage. So by the end of the episode, you'll have five hopefully compelling reasons why it's worth doing whatever it takes to learn how to, um, thrive in, have peace in and enjoy your love life in your marriage. And learning and growing in this area could look a lot of different ways. It could look like, dedicating time to listening to podcasts like this, reading books, talking with people who know more about this. Taking a course such as one of mine. Just gaining information and really dedicating time, energy, resources, any combination of those three, to growing in this area. So the first reason is because you are worth it, you ladies. You are worth it. It's worth it for you to have peace and thriving in this area of your feminine sexuality. You are a daughter of the beloved Father God. The Father wants you to feel good in your skin, to feel good about. How sexuality is playing out in your marriage. He loves you. He created you as a sexual being as a woman, and he's called you to this vocation of marriage, and he's not mean. He's not sadistic. He didn't call you to this and make you a woman so that you could suffer or be frustrated or feel guilty all the time. God's will for you really is for you to flourish. Saint EU of Leon says, the glory of God is man fully alive. And I'm gonna paraphrase that and say, the glory of God is woman fully alive. That when you can really integrate your sexuality in your marriage, really have peace with your femininity, and learn how your feminine sexuality works, and then. Um, create a love life in your marriage where that is honored and you're flourishing and thriving that glorifies God because of your dignity. You are worth this. So that's the first reason you're worth it. You're worth having peace and thriving and wholeness in this area. And the second reason why it's important to work on your love life is that sex is the body language of your marriage. Vows and communication skills are very important. We can all agree it's very important to learn how to communicate in marriage well, learning how to communicate well. Bodily in sex is even more important so that you can effectively communicate. Love, mutual reciprocal self gift, um, sharing of self receiving, honoring, affection, reconnection, all these important messages. Reconciliation. There are a lot of things we can say with this body language, um, in sex. And it's important and worth it to learn how to make sex go well so that you can effectively communicate those messages. With your whole self in your body, really, really beautiful and important. So that's the second reason. The third reason is that it's important for your marriages thriving, and I hope you're not misunderstanding me at. Listen to what I did not say. I did not say, you have to have lots of sex so you can have a good marriage. That's not what I said. I said it's important to work on your love life, to understand how it works well, to understand how to make it mutually nourishing and satisfying. Because that will help your marriage. And really you're gonna be growing in your marriage by working on your love life.'cause you're gonna have to have really open, vulnerable conversations. You're gonna have to learn how to really listen to each other, how to really share something inside of you that might be. Scary to share. Um, you're gonna have to learn how to trust each other, how to be, yeah, really open and emotionally close in order to have the kind of conversations and growth and give and take and experimentation that it takes to work on your love life so that it goes great. So that is all marriage building and. That's your third reason. It's good for your marriage. It's important for your marriage to figure this out in a way that works for you both. Reason number four, why it's important to work on your love life in marriage is it's really important for you to model a happy, healthy, positive view of sex and sexuality for your kids. Your sons and daughters who are growing up in your home, they're absorbing. The messages that you're sending them through so many subtle ways, they're picking up your attitudes. They can tell, you know by your reactions to certain comments, how you and your husband interact with each other. If you shy away from or lean into or initiate. Um, non-sexual touch around the house in front of the kids, all that sends a message. The kind of words you use, the kind of ways that you look at each other, um, how you talk with your kids about, you know, mommy and daddy need special time with each other, or whatever it is you're saying. That's a very g-rated code. Uh, it's sinking in and it's. So formative, and this is shaping their own attitudes about sex and sexuality. Whether it's something scary and shameful, something just to put up with or something that makes you radiant and energized and is fun and is joyful, um, and a celebratory. They're gonna pick that up and then whatever their vocation may be in life, whether they're called to marriage, whether they're called to the priesthood, to religious life. You know, having the sense of peace about the message that God created sex to be good in marriage and mutual, and having peace about. I, myself, being sexual, being a man, a woman, or being a boy or girl, and growing into manhood and womanhood and having a, a body that's sexual and have, you know, thinking in ways that are more feminine or more masculine, like all of that is so important for your kids to, to have peace about and have security and a sense that this is all okay, I don't have to be ashamed of this. Um, this is not an off topic, it's not an off limit. You know, like area of life because it's, it's really foundational to your identity, even if you are called a vocation where you never actually have genital sex to, to be at peace with your sexuality, broadly speaking and seeing mom and dad model a respectful, healthy, alive, um, joyful, positive attitude about their sexuality and marriage. Just has huge ripple effects for your kids in understanding male female relations in marriage and outside of marriage. Okay. And then, so that's your fourth reason. And for me, like that's just huge. I think that's so, so important because your kids aren't gonna get this from the culture. Right. And, uh, they, they, they're really, they need you to be the model for this, for them. Okay? And then the fifth reason why it's important for you to work on your love life, to really take intentional steps to gain information, skills, have conversations, try things, put time, talent, treasure towards it. Really be intentional about it is because. It's not going to magically get better on its own for things to get better. You have to, you have to work on it. Now, I know I get emails from wives who are like, I just can't wait till we get old, and then there's gonna be no more sex and we'll just be two old people on a rocking chair and holding hands as we use our walkers to go, you know, down the, the sidewalk together. Uh, okay, there's, there's one way to. Look at it. Just hope you can ride it out for a few decades until you both get so old that you're not gonna be wanting to make love anymore. But, uh, I think that it's worth it to figure it out. Even before then, even while you're still in the prime of your life and newsflash, you can have a lovely, wonderful love life even in your seventies and eighties. I have email correspondence with women who are in those decades of life and telling me about their beautiful love lives that they have in their marriage, so you don't have to throw in the towel. And think it's, or put this false hope on, oh, it's just gonna fade away eventually. And then, okay, then I'll finally have peace. No, no, no, no. It is worth it. It's worth it to work on now, and it's not gonna magically resolve and get better on its own. So there you go. Five reasons why. It's important to work on your love life, and I actually have a course that's available anytime to give you some of the foundational basics. It's a course for engaged and newlywed women, but even if you've been married a while, you can go in there and really learn a lot of about the essentials of crafting a beautiful love life in your marriage. It's called the Wedding Night. And beyond. So there you go, the beyond. That's for all of you who've been living the married life for a while, maybe even several decades. You might learn things that no one ever told you before. So that is available for you. I'll put the link in the show notes and sometimes it is on sale for half off. So check and see when you're listening to this episode, if that is one of the best times. All right, God bless you. See you in the next episode.