"Like Heaven on Earth": Megan Gephart's My Delight Success Story✨

When Megan Gephart first signed up for the My Delight course, her husband was deployed. She and her husband were both active duty military, and they wouldn't be together for months, but she was decided to use the time while he was away to start work on herself before.

Years later, Megan is still seeing the fruits unfold in her marriage. 

She shares her story of the tremendous changes she made.

🍍 She decided not to push through pain any more--and to finally talk to her husband about it.

🍓 She realized her pleasure mattered just as much as her husband's--which led to even more more honest, open communication than she'd ever had before in her marriage.

🍇 Now creating time to be together is a big priority. Hear the story of the weekend getaway that was like "heaven on earth"--though events, tensions, a nursing infant, and a big NFP decision leading up to the weekend could have derailed it.  

🫐 She went from avoiding intimacy and avoiding non-sexual touch to finding her way to turn towards and actively choose connection. 

🍒 Listen to Meghan share the genius shift her therapist suggested that is helping non-sexual touch go SO much better in her marriage now!

Megan and her husband are now preparing a new adventure with military orders to Germany. She shares how they are being intentional about preparing for this new adventure (and all the packing and tasks leading up to it), while continuing to communicate closely about prioritizing their marriage, improving their love life ever more, and preparing for the years when they'll be that loving, affectionate silver-haired older couple sitting on their porch swing!

Follow Megan Gephart's work supporting Catholic women entrepreneurs and professionals with coaching for strategy, operations, and sustainable growth at Apostolic Fruit. 

She also co-hosts the Apostolic Fruit podcast with her business partner, Anna Saucier.

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

Transcript

Sarah 0:50

I am so grateful to have an alum of my delight with me today sharing about her journey. Megan Gephart, thank you so much for joining me I'm just grateful to you for coming on to share about your experience of what it was like to think about joining my delight and then making that decision to join, and then what transpired for you.

Megan Gephart 1:08

Has truly changed my life and, and my husband's life in so many ways, and just excited to share today

Sarah 1:13

thank you. take us back to when you were first learning that such a program as this existed, and thinking about whether this might be something you

Megan Gephart 1:21

Yeah, I, I look back and I was like, how long ago did I do this? And it was, it was several years ago now, about a little over three years ago. And. At the time, for context, my husband and I were both active duty army. We were stationed apart actually for, I think it was a span of about eight months. Um, and I had started to start my delight kind of in the middle of that time. Um, and so I was. You know, I was with my kids, at our house at one duty station and he was elsewhere finishing up at, at another duty station. And so it was a time where I was like, I, I wanna work on myself for the betterment of our marriage. And, I don't even remember how I first heard about it, but I heard about it and I was like, wow, a program like this exists. That's, that's Catholic and, you know, is really deeply diving into all of these facets of intimacy that are, are so profoundly important, yet not often talked about. I think there's been so much taboo around, around this. You know, we, we have some Pre-Cana preparation. Maybe sometimes they talk about intimacy as it relates to NFP, you know, through our marriage preparation. But aside from that, we don't talk about the hard stuff, right? And so for us, I was navigating and I still do a bit navigate chronic pelvic pain with intimacy. That was something that I had, been working through for about two years, kind of silently suffering from it and just struggling and, and not even knowing how to talk about it with my husband. And it was, it, it primarily came out of having my first baby very quickly in our marriage. And so it just, I felt a lot of shame with it. I felt really alone. I felt like there's something wrong with me. I don't even know how to bring this up with him. And there was just so much stigma around it. And so I, I finally, When I started actually to become a, a certified pregnancy and postpartum fitness coach, I finally learned like this is not normal and I don't have to deal with it., And it may be common for a lot of people, but there's, there are things that I can do to help and one of them is going to see a pelvic floor physical therapist. And so over a lot of different locations in Duc stations, I've worked with different ones. And yeah, and, and so there was, part of it was just the awareness, right?. And then the other part of it was like having the conversations with my husband. And so I remember very early on as I started to, to take the course and just go through the program and a lot of it, I wasn't even able to participate in a lot of the group calls and things, but I tuned in when I could, but I was mostly just going along my own journey. And I remember being one like very. Blown away by the idea that like, my pleasure and intimacy actually matters. And I know that, that it sounds silly. I think, but we often, I feel like are, are sort of conditioned to, to prioritize the man's pleasure and it's like things are oriented in that direction., And so that was, that was like a different turning point for me when I realized like. My enjoyment of this also matters. And so not only does that mean like I shouldn't be pushing through pain, but I, I should communicate that with him and maybe there's a way we can work with my body together. And so, I just remember like starting to open some of those honest conversations with him were so vulnerable right away. And part of it was even just saying out loud, like. I don't even know how to bring this up. This is really hard and this feels awkward to talk about. But I do remember that's, that's so much of what I was learning right away in my delight. It was like, we can talk about this, we can talk about this outside of the moment. And here's some ways to do that and make that a little bit easier. And so there's been, yeah, now there's been like years of working with my body in many ways and, and it's, very much ebbs and flows. And now I, I would say like it's beautiful because, tim has like mastered working with my body. Whereas before, you know, we were, it always felt like my body wasn't cooperating and was really just struggling with it in a very roundabout way. And I would feel, of course, I would feel defeated and discouraged and, you know, and the other aspect that it impacted then was my receptivity, my to intimacy. And so I am still working on growing in that. And when you, when you have, you know, several years, if anybody you know, relates to this of experience of pain with intimacy or maybe even have had sexual trauma in the past, or you have a history of, discomfort around this. Then it also can create certain blocks to intimacy. And so I noticed for me, you know, sometimes it was, I would feel like my defenses would come up. Like it wouldn't feel safe to my nervous system to even receive any physical affection from him., Because my body would wanna shut it down. Like, oh no, this is not gonna feel good. I don't wanna do anything. Right. Even if his intention was just, let me just give you a hug in the kitchen. Um, and so. Those are some of the things that we've, we've grown in is, you know, through, through the, the open conversation, the working, learning how to work with my body, learning to prioritize my pleasure as well within our marriage. And it's just been, been so good. So that's like a little glimpse of a few, few things right away that come to heart. Sarah.

Sarah 6:28

Oh my gosh. So beautiful, Megan. Wow. Let's just go back to the very beginning of this journey. First of all, thank you and your husband, Tim, for your service to our country. So many sacrifices that military families have to make even when just one spouse. Is,, is in the military. And then it was both of you at the time. Thank you very much. wow, so you were actually separate at the time that you began my delight. Because I know there are women who are thinking about it, but they're like, well, you know, I'm, I'm gonna just have a baby soon and so I'll be in my postpartum abstinence, or you know, for whatever reason. health things coming up, maybe a procedure or surgery. So we won't be able to have sex for a while. So, you know, would it even be worth it? I just like your phrase, like you wanted to work on you and you knew you, you'd already begun this journey of looking at pelvic floor therapy. I'm so glad you found that. And, and not just with one therapist, but multiple, but you seems like you knew

Megan Gephart 7:28

Yes. Yes.

Sarah 7:29

part of

Megan Gephart 7:30

Yeah, and it that's great that you bring that up again because. Do think you can, we can work on these aspects of our marriage at any season. Whether you are in a stage of Abstinence for a long period of time, for one reason or another, or whether, you know, you are very closely connected. I think it's. It's important to prioritize either way, and there's always work we can do individually that we can also bring back into our relationship. And so I definitely was in a stage where I was willing to learn and, and grow in that. I wanted to improve. Like when we came back together, I wanted to continue to improve our, yeah, our sex life. And just having spent so much time apart, it was like the, this connection is so important and, I want it to continue to, to grow. And so, yeah, and then as we come back,, you know, into sort of a normal life again, then there's new challenges and it's like different levels of desire. Nathan's just starting to talk about this in his challenge, like different levels of desire and libido and like, especially through motherhood. When you're mothering young kids and you're constantly going through yes pregnancies, postpartum, your nursing nonstop, you are, you know, maybe experiencing more of the invisible load in motherhood or in family life and in the home. Feeling, maybe overstimulated or overwhelmed or touched out, like kids needing you constantly, all of those things affect I, I feel in particular, affect my receptivity. And so I've really had to grow to understand, well, what is it that I need in order to feel supported from him? Because then intimacy begins like way before we, we enter into any kind of sexual relations, right? It's beautiful to see how that has also evolved, like so much more open, vulnerable communication about what each of us need and desire and our different love languages and the interplay between those. And then very open conversations in the moment, you know, because when there is that disconnect of desire in the moment, then that can bring conflict, that can bring tension. But it's also an opportunity to better understand and love one another and the give and take of that. And so, I have definitely seen, you know, Tim is much more, you ta you've talked about this, I think with Ellen before, like responsive desire I really need the warming up and I really need like the, the slowness of that, the, the gentle warming up. And that's was not something we knew right away. It was something that we had. Together. And I think it's like progressively, become more, more and more important, you know, to be able to have that time to just like, settle into the space with him and like let everything else go. Like the mental to-do list, go the whatever else I was, um, worried about or, you know, are the kids okay? The dishes still need be all the things right. And just go to like, be very present with him. Sometimes it takes more time for me to come into, like flip the switch of being mom and, and off and now being his wife. And so,, I definitely see so many of those threads. I just remember being exposed to through my delight and, um, yeah, just giving a language to it and allowing me to reflect internally on how these things are showing up for me and for our marriage. And choosing, like, I wanna practice this micro habit, right? Like this one little thing. I'm committed to trying with him. And I think just over the years, like that compounds one of the, the big keys was that moment of decision for me around like, I'm going to talk to Tim about my pelvic pain., I actually don't even know if, if before that I had really addressed it honestly., And yeah, and like open space for us to just be a team with it because I was carrying it on my own, and feeling like I, I had to. And of course as soon as I shared it with him, you know, he was so compassionate and understanding and like really, you know, doesn't want me to be in pain, doesn't want me to push their pain and, and I remember that being a huge piece. And then of course, like how do we continue to have conversations about improving our love life together? And we've. I think that's just been, we, we do it all the time and it's just become so normal for us to, to talk about, openly. And I really think that that foundation was established in inside the program. Some of it maybe also being reinforced by like the other women are on this journey with me. You know, everybody is here with maybe different stories or backgrounds and experiences, but a lot of overlaps in our desires.

Sarah 11:53

I am so happy and grateful that now it's just normal for you and Tim to be able to talk with each other about your love life, talk about how to improve what different aspects. That is really a huge fruit. You know, I, I know we've been emailing, recently for other work and you had mentioned that you two had had a weekend away together and you just had said like, and we're continuing to experience the fruits, and that was really joyful for me to read as well, that you prioritized, first of all, a weekend away together. That was so great.

Megan Gephart 12:25

Just the more we bring ourselves back into like intentionally growing in these areas, the more it's reinforced that like it is good to prioritize your marriage, and that sounds so obvious. But then like, when push comes to shove with all the other things in life, and especially with kids, their needs are very pressing and urgent, you know? And so sometimes it does feel like your, your husband like, gets the leftovers of you. And we've had many conversations where like, that's, that's how it feels and it's not intentional and it's, and neither of us want it. But how do we avoid like, just becoming, passing ships right in the, in the day to day. And so. Yeah, we definitely, try to prioritize the time together as we can. Like, but even just simply date time or, usually on Fridays, like he's able to come home a little bit earlier'cause he gets released a little earlier from work. So I try to finish my work by that time so I can have more space with him. Before we go get our older two from school or whatever it is. And then prioritizing when we can like little getaway weekends. And usually it's probably not more than like once a year. And it's when we have family come into town, that are able to stay And this one we had to be a little more creative'cause we've got a year and a half old who's still nursing overnight really needs me. So basically, my mom took all the kids out to the city to go to a, children's museum for the afternoon. Tim and I, like, as soon as we got the Airbnb open, like we were able to have like two hours of time with just us, um, there. And then my, then we handed off my baby back to us, you know, for the rest of the night. Um, but then we had the full rest of the day, the next day for date time with, with the baby too, and just us, but we still had that space where it was just us and it's, it was so good because. As I like, saw and felt, then it's easier sometimes to like fully enter into being present when Yeah. I'm not, you know, worried about everything going on around me in the house or like worried about the kids or, you know, you just, you step away and you can really, really be there and, and it was so beautiful because we. I think we've, we both like deeply connected, on many levels, but we also prayed together, in a deeper way than we have in a long time. And that was, yeah, I was just so, so deeply meaningful I told him, I think I told him at one point like that, that afternoon, I just feel like this is, this is a foretaste of heaven on earth. I said that to him because that's how it felt in the moment. And it was just so like, so profoundly good and beautiful and pure, like the way we were loving each other. Just that's like many answered prayers, like, that's like the fruit of many, many answered prayers and so much work. I feel like now we get to experience that in new ways together. It hasn't been easy. We've had many conflict conversations in the last few months, even leading up to this and you know, so,, there's been like a push and pull and a working on and working through and so I wanna like, provide that whole context because it's not just like the one beautiful moment, but it's also like that's a triumph, right? We go through the, it's a triumphant moment. Um, so yeah.

Sarah 15:25

I just wanna celebrate with you that you had that time, so beautiful that you were able to say it. It feels like a foretaste of heaven. Being in this communion of persons you know, away from the day to day of regular life. And I a hundred percent corroborate that when you're in the home where your kitchen sink is, there's different, you know, vibe to it than when you're somewhere away together. And I love that you are creative in how to make that work. Because I was going to ask like, what mountains did you have to move? Because every couple does, every couple has to move, usually a few mountains to make a weekend away together work. And it wasn't a black and white rigid all or nothing thing. It was. This is what we can do to make it work with a nursing baby who needs me overnight and that when it's still so good. Nathan and I have had many dates together

Megan Gephart 16:14

Right. Exactly. Exactly.

Sarah 16:16

the date as

Megan Gephart 16:17

Yeah.

Sarah 16:17

it's still so sweet.

Megan Gephart 16:19

I guess a mountain that had to be moved in certain ways, um, spiritually, because we also have been in a stage where we've been, for, the first time in a long time. We have been actually abstaining during my fertile windows. We're about to move to Germany. We were just talking about this before. We're about to move to Germany for our next military move. We've got like, that's a really, really big thing that takes a lot of my capacity. And I'm the one that's leading like, so much of the home preparation and the family, like stewarding our family's wellbeing through it and everything. And so we've just discerned for like a short window of time that we're, yeah, we're gonna avoid intimacy during fertile windows. And that was a, that was a fertile window potential. A fertile window. And so we actually had like really, really hard, hard discernment of like, do we or do we not? And so that was part of like that really long prayer ahead of it, of, of just. It was a wrestling, like we didn't know as we went into that, like, what are we going to choose? And I told Tim like, I'm afraid. And we were just praying through that. It was just really, really beautiful. Because it reinforces in those moments where I can just come completely as I am and like lay myself before the Lord and Tim just to be, be received completely in that. And yeah, loved, like that's, that is intimacy. And to know like I can trust my whole self with God and with Tim, and that he's got our family in his hands.

Sarah 17:38

Whichever way, you choose. I love that there is intimacy, with being totally open and vulnerable and, and praying with your husband and, and really bringing this to the Lord and really looking at what are our needs here? What is prudent and wise where, you know, where can we lean into trust and trust, you know, the gift of wisdom as well there. I just, yeah, I'm so glad that you're able to pray about it

Megan Gephart 18:05

We, we ultimately decided, okay, for this, this one time, like, if, the Lord wants to bring a new life out of this, then we will receive that as a blessing. It is. You know, and,

Sarah 18:15

Oh

Megan Gephart 18:15

and if not, then like we get this beautiful time of coming together. It was kind of funny'cause Tim was like, well it's, he sort of joked about it in a way as we were, we were talking through it all. Like, well, in the worst case scenario, like I. We have another baby. And I was like, well, that's not a very bad worst case scenario. I mean, like, in some ways it just was my heart was open to it. And of course like talking through, you know, we're, yeah, this is how we're gonna be taking care of and how like he will take care of me and, and the Lord will take care of us. But it's, yeah, it's, it's hard. And I still felt afraid, but I felt, as we, as we made the decision, we came into it, it was just,, I felt so right And so at peace, like this, just deep, profound peace that, like unmistakable peace. And that was, yeah, it was, it was pretty incredible because. I, I don't think I felt it that deeply, um, before, like in some of those other times when we wrestled with the same thing, and other, other difficult moments.

Sarah 19:12

I just, I love that you are willing to share that because so many times I've worked with women. She'll talk about a special weekend that they're planning and then something comes up like someone gets sick or, yeah. Or it's the fertile window and we're abstaining or something, and then she'll feel like it's all ruined. And I love that as I heard you talking about this, you were saying. Either way, you are going to have a good weekend together and you're going to be close, it's not all ruined. You know, there is a closeness and, and prioritizing that time together still. I love that resilience

Megan Gephart 19:48

it's, if you think about, we have these postpartum windows or have to have to abstain, like we learn to love each other in different ways. And I think that even the last few months of us having this more abnormal time of abstaining, like we have learned to love each other in different ways. And that has actually been a gift. You know, there's like, there's different, yeah, there's just different forms of passion that come out. Like we. I don't know. Even something as simple as like, I, I've noticed, okay, we're making out like we used to when we were dating, when we were back in college, and we don't do that very much anymore. You know? Um, and so it's, it's just like these simple things and I, um, I've just seen it as a gift. Like the Lord uses all of it, you know?

Sarah 20:33

Oh, beautiful. I wanted to ask about non-sexual touch now.

Megan Gephart 20:39

I would say like there's still nuances of working on it. So, I have learned much more like what does my body need? So. One thing that my therapist had recommended that I just like, I think it's totally worked and it's so simple, and it might sound silly, but it totally works for us, is for if Tim like wants to come up behind me and give me a hug in the kitchen when I'm doing something or whatever, you know, it's when I'm moving about the house. Like he does do the spontaneous things like that a lot, which I'm so grateful for and I want to receive. But it's sometimes hard for me to receive. But, um, she suggested for him to just like announce, it's almost like prompting before he does it. So like, coming up from behind you. Is it okay if I give you a hug? Coming in for a hug and it is like a pause where both it asks for consent, but also it invites. Me to respond actively. So I'm not like passively receiving it or like trying to receive it and fighting against it internally, but more so I can turn and say, yes, I want to be embraced and I can hug him back. And I would much prefer the like forward facing hug. It's just like, then I can like actually rest my head on him and on his chest and just like fully lean into it and I can turn away from what I was doing. So I'm chopping vegetables or I'm like, whatever it is, folding laundry and then. And like, man, we all need long hugs. Like, I need lots of long hugs from him, but it's so much easier for me to receive it when it's like an invitation. Rather than him just coming, coming in like it, it really is just like an extra pause that gives me space then to like come around to it.

Sarah 22:11

Yes.

Megan Gephart 22:12

And same thing. This is like a theme in intimacy with us. Like, I need time to come around to it, So it is, it really is like, we've gotta start with like very welcome, safe touch, like very welcome, safe, non-sexual touch often, you know, before my body is even open to anything farther than that. And so it's the like. Yeah, it's just a slow, gentle warming up and it's so, um, it's so honoring, it's so honoring of the other person. I feel deeply honored when I receive that. And, you know, and of course he's had to grow a lot in patience. Like this is not easy on anybody's end. But he has grown a lot in patience and like, is so generous in wanting to give that kind of love because he knows that's what I need and receive best, you know, and. I think that has been beautiful to also see and to witness, just like the way that it's matured our love, in many ways.. So we've been working on this with kisses and other things and other forms of touch because he is so physically affectionate and it's one of his primary love languages. It is way lower on my totem pole. Like I am much more like. The acts of service and those kinds of things. So, so for him, I've also asked him recently, like when we were having a hard conversation of, usually he's initiating more than me, and, and we're talking about that disconnect a bit. And, you know how sometimes he does feel rejected if I like, don't want to receive whatever he's wanting. And that could be. I wanna cuddle with you. I, you know, I'd love to kiss you and so I actually asked him the other day, can you, um, just like what we've been doing with the hugs, can you just like state your desire or intention out loud, and share it with me openly. So instead of like, just kind of going in for it, and hoping I reciprocate, can you share, you know, I'd really love to kiss you right now. I'm like, oh, okay, I can receive that. Right? It's so much easier for me then, it like, it just gives me a moment to embrace it with him. And so, or like you said, even I can like redirect to what I can receive. Like I have the capacity to receive this right now. Or, Ooh, I'd love to, let me finish what I'm doing for one minute, then I wanna be fully present with you. So it really does give me the freedom to like fully say yes,, rather than like kind of begrudgingly saying yes. Like half wanting it and half not wanting it, or just like a part of me fighting against it because that's what was happening before. It was like an internal conflict in the moment. Of course, you know, I want to, to love and be affectionate with him, but then like, all these other things are pulling me this way. Right. So yeah, that's been, that's cool for us too. And like, and the progression towards more intimacy.

Sarah 24:48

I love Megan, what this is doing for your children, because they're going to grow up in a home where they see. and dad affectionate together where they see lots of attunement and checking in, you know? This is fresh for me because I was just on a coaching call earlier today with a woman who really does not enjoy sex in her marriage at all. Feels like it's a huge chore. And I went back with her and asked, okay, what did you grow up with? Well, no surprise, she grew up in a home where dad was always kind of pursuing mom, and mom was rebuffing him. Flinching away from him. You know, never interested in any sort of the affection that the girl could see growing up, which is the non-sexual, it's in the kitchen. That's the, the interactions around the kitchen that does sort of sink in and help form us with what we're thinking about. Later on. When we grow up and we learn about sexuality, of put it all together and make our ideas about what men's and women's roles are. So now you get to. Give your children the model of a mom and a dad who are both present to each other, who are both comfortable being affectionate towards each other and you know who are working out how that looks. That's so beautiful. so beautiful. Well, thank you so much for joining in this conversation. I guess to close, what would you say to Megan from however many years ago you, when you were thinking of joining My delight, what advice would you give yourself

Megan Gephart 26:11

I mean, man, I,

Sarah 26:12

journey?

Megan Gephart 26:13

whatever. It costs, it is worth it. Like this is your marriage you're talking about, right? And, and you have to be open and receptive to the journey. But at the same time, I mean, how much do we spend on so many other things that really don't matter and don't actually, not like our real priorities or don't like really add something meaningful and valuable to your life. And so it's just like there are these investments that. Have these profound ripple effects. And this is one of them that I kind of came across by surprise. And it has truly, truly transformed our marriage in so many ways. And we, it was just the beginning, of so much growth in this and continued as you hear, like continued growth, and learning. But it, you have to begin somewhere. And I think this was such a beautiful foundation and just opened us up, I think, in so many ways.

Sarah 27:01

Continue for you, Megan. I see you and Tim, you know, decades from now with silver hair on the port swing, checking in with each other about holding hands about hugs and cuddles and kisses, and having this beautiful, passionate, vibrant relationship with each other. Where all your grandkids, it will be like a thing. Oh, grandma and grandpa,

Megan Gephart 27:19

and it's neat because we always are like dreaming about things together, you know, this is what we want in the future and what we want it to look and feel like. And it's fun to kinda go back and forth between like, this is our chaos of life right now with all these kids being crazy and loud. And then, and it'll be nice when we have more moments when it's just us. And then you also. Recognize that like, we're gonna miss this, you know, we're gonna miss this when we're Yeah. 20 years from now when we're, hopefully getting into grand grandma, grandpa stage. Right. Um, but yeah, I just, yeah, I can just see God's hand in so much of it, and I'm so grateful.

Sarah 27:55

Oh it is., You guys will be praying your rosaries that you got in Germany, you know, putting your German tablecloth on for the family holidays or whatever, and all these adventures that you're having together. Well, more to come, more growth and goodness to come. You have everything in place with the way that you are open and talking with each other. Thank you so much for sharing. I know this is going to inspire other women who can relate to parts of your story, so thank you so much, Megan. God bless. I hope all of you listening can really know that the Lord delights in you and find delight in love today.